The Journey

When I first started opening up our experience with infertility, the first thing people would normally ask(if they’ve gone through it before) is “Where are y’all in the process?”  So I figured that would make the perfect topic for my next post.  For some of you reading this, this part may not be that interesting, and I’m sorry to drag out all the details.  But I think that it’s important for those who haven’t experienced this to be able to gain a little insight.

Greg and I have been together nine years now.  Four of those married.  As soon as we got married, we cut out any kind of protection.  We decided to let it happen when it was meant to be.  We put it in God’s hands and timing.  

Six months turned into 1 year, into 2 years and so on and still no baby.  Still not even an “OMG I’m late! Am I pregnant??” moment.  At first, I chalked it up to the fact that Greg worked out of town and was gone a lot.  So we were probably just missing the “right” moment.  But after three years of nothing, I knew something was wrong.  

And then I got scared.  Embarrassed.  Shame and insecurity immediately flooded in.  Even though I knew something was wrong, I was absolutely terrified to go to the doctor because I didn’t want to hear from her what I already knew.  Hearing it would make it real.

But I found the courage and made my appointment.  Greg came with me.  Now as I start going through the journey we’ve had, I’m going to warn you that I don’t know all of the correct medical terms for things.  And honestly I may explain something that isn’t exactly the best.  Just bear with me.

After talking to my OBGYN, she said she didn’t think I was ovulating.  (No tests were done at that point.)  Just from talking to her, that’s what she said she thought the problem was.  So this is when Femara was introduced to my life.  They told me to take the medicine on particular days and then have intercourse on the necessary days.  If I was to start my next cycle, I would call them to come in for them to do an ultrasound. ( I would like to point out here that I was not aware that it was a vaginal ultrasound.  I was mortified)  The point of the ultrasound was to make sure that everything looked good and that I didn’t have any cysts.  The medicine can cause cysts and can cause them to become bigger, so if they were to find any cysts, then they would not be able to give me the medicine.  Which would mean that I would have to sit out a cycle and basically not do anything.  Which is the absolute worst.  It happened to me often to where I would have to “sit out” on cycles.  The waiting and feeling like you’re not doing anything to help the situation is excruciating.  

After a couple of months, my OBGYN told me that I had to have surgery.  Apparently I’ve had endometriosis and never knew it.  So they went in and burned and scraped the endometriosis out and removed a couple of cysts.  They also checked my tubes to make sure they were open and clear.  Sister…that surgery.  Excruciating.  My body was swollen and disproportionate for days.  I was in so much pain.  Gas pains made me feel like I was going to die.  But I told myself I was one step closer.  That happened in February of 2019.  From then until about June I kept repeating the process of Femara and intercourse on necessary days.

In July and September I did the Femara along with an IUI.  For those of you reading this and don’t know what that is, they take a sample of his sperm and inject it directly into the uterus.  It helps the sperm get closer to the egg.  Oh and btw, I know of you are reading this and wondering if Greg has been checked.  And yes he has.  He’s all good!

After the IUI in September didn’t work, my OBGYN referred me to my fertility doctor.  I met him in October of 2019.  When Greg and I met with him, he told me I had to have another surgery.  I had a uterine septum.  Basically my uterus is somewhat heart shaped.  There was a greater likelihood of the egg implanting in the septum, which means a greater likelihood for miscarrying. so he wanted me to have the septum removed.  This was more of a preventative surgery.  I had the surgery at the end of November and now the septum is no more.

The next step is to start the fertility meds with him (clomid and shots) and to have an IUI.  I went in January to hopefully start everything then, but I had the cysts that I talked about earlier, so I couldn’t start anything.  Talk about devastating.  I cried the whole way home.  I was angry, confused, and honestly just extremely heartbroken.  

I know this post probably wasn’t very interesting to most.  But I think it’s important for others to know what it’s like.  The physical toll your body takes going through all of this.  The constant poking and prodding.  Endless ultrasounds (vaginally may I add), endless amounts of labs taken, and two surgeries on top of that.  I think it’s important for others to know what it’s like, not for pity, but so maybe they won’t make the comments of “just adopt” or “maybe y’all aren’t meant to have kids.”  We are going through endless amounts of physical and emotional turmoil so we can experience the beautiful blessing of carrying a child.

Now you know my journey.  And it isn’t over.  It won’t be over until we get our Baby M.  Now you have an idea of what the past year and some odd months have been like for us.  If you’ve been through this or are going through it now, I would love to hear your experience.  Maybe you can teach me the correct medical verbiage to use also. 🙂 

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